Goodbye, my Almost Lover
by onewritergirl93
Summary: 'I should've known you'd bring me heartache. Almost lovers always do.' Loyalty, Part Two - Eames' POV.


**Disclaimer: I don't own them, because if I did, that kiss would NOT have been on her cheek. :) Song belongs to 'A Fine Frenzy'. **

**I apologize if the quotes from the episode are out of order or wrong. I haven't actually seen the episode, just the YT video of that last scene, which is no longer there for me to watch over and over and over again. **

**Your fingertips across my skin**

**The palm trees swaying in the wind**

**Images**

My heart was breaking and you reached out to me. Running your hand up and down my arm was meant to comfort me, but it just made it hurt worse. Why did you wait so long to touch me, Bobby? Don't you know how long I've wanted the simple joy of _your_ touch? For so many years, you've touched me only when your job required it. I didn't want undercover you - I wanted the real Bobby doing exactly what you're doing now. _But why now?_

**You sang me Spanish lullabies**

**The sweetest sadness in your eyes **

**Clever trick**

I give the slightest hint of a sad smile as I think, of all things, about the thousands of conversations you and I have had over the past decade. Conversations about cases and suspects and casual conversations like, "_Hey Eames, did you know yow lose enough dead skin in your lifetime to fill eight five-pound flour bags?" "Thanks Bobby, now I'll think of you every time I have dandruff."_

Sometimes you made absolutely no sense, but I always listened. I want you to know, Bobby, that you have taught me so much.

You're making a speech now, the last we'll have as partners, so I listen with everything I am. You make a comment about how it's 'not bad' or some such nonsense. I know you're just trying to make me feel better.

"It's bad," I start to break, "and you trying to make it better is only making it worse."

You give up the fight then and just look at me. I wonder what is going through your head and my heart breaks a little more at the sorrow in your familiar brown eyes.

**Well I'd never want to see you unhappy**

**I thought you?d want the same for me**

Don't you see how bad this is? Don't pretend it's no big deal, please. I beg you silently to read my mind one last time.

"You're the best. You always will be." You're the best at a lot of things, Bobby. You're by far the best detective I have ever know. I know I was just angry when I said that I "just carry your water", but the first part was true - you really are a genius. I have always been astonished by you. I would carry your water any day, just to be near you.

"Sure." Please, don't do that. I need to know that you have no doubt that I have _never_ lost faith in you. Please.

**Goodbye my almost lover**

**Goodbye my hopeless dream**

**I'm trying not to think about you**

**Can't you just let me be?**

What we had - what we still have, for these few precious moments, if you'll just hold on with me a minute longer - is worth remembering, no matter how it kills me. We are quite a team, aren't we, detective? Ouch. Maybe it's too painful, even if I try to block out our rough patches - "patches" being most of the past few years, really. I can't block those out, Bobby, because they shaped us, they made us what we are right now. But boy does it hurt.

**So long my luckless romance**

**My back is turned on you**

**Should've known you'd bring me heartache**

**Almost lovers always do**

Love kept me here beside you. I hope you know that. I hope you aren't under the impression that I stuck around out of guilt or pity or pride. You know it wasn't for the popularity or praise. It wasn't for the "special treatment" you've given me lately, because, for the record, you were a jerk, plain and simple. But I never once thought about walking away, Bobby. Turning, maybe, to gain my composure or to sort through my thoughts and find some more forgiveness and mercy in my heart to give to you. Sometimes, I honestly did it just to tick you off because you had ticked me off. But I was always anxious to turn right back, because we have had so many good times. Times that made fall in love with you.

**We walked along a crowded street**

**You took my hand and danced with me in the shade**

**And when you left you kissed my lips**

**You told me you would never ever forget these images **

It seems silly, really, but I will miss walking beside you - literally. Your cute chin and your handsome profile above me, your eyes looking down at me - but never once looking down _on_ me - your broad shoulders at eye level blocked the sun, making me feel so small and protected - they're familiar, sweet memories that I replay all the time. I love you, Robert Goren, and that means I have always been committed, no matter what I may feel at the moment. But, I must I admit, that I have always had the biggest school girl crush on you. I stare at you and daydream all the time. I melt when you smile at me. I get crazy jealous when you flirt with other women. I adore all your quirks. I get butterflies just thinking about you. I can hardly contain myself now, because your lips are on my cheek and your arms are holding me close. I bury my face in your shoulder, knowing that I will never forget this moment for as long as I live. Somehow I know you won't either.

**I cannot go to the ocean**

**I cannot try the streets at night**

**I cannot wake up in the morning**

**Without you on my mind**

I knew this was going to be hard, our inevitable separation. I didn't know when or where or why or how, but I knew it would come someday, no matter how I tried to deny or ignore the fact that we were not meant to be partners for all time. I learned from Joe that nothing lasts forever. I learned that it wasn't wise to fall in love with a cop again, but look what you made me do. You having taken up the most permanent kind of residence in my heart, even pushing Joe down to an old, forgotten corner. You occupy every space in my head, so many thoughts are followed by, "What would Bobby think?" Hmm...that would explain the headaches I've been plagued with for a while now. Don't worry; they've always vanished the second I saw you in the flesh and was reassured once again that you were safe and sound and with me for another day. I have a feeling they're going to stick around for a while after you walk out that door, though.

**So you're gone and I'm haunted**

**And i bet you are just fine**

**Did i make it that easy to walk**

**Right in and out of my life?**

The swish of that door opening will never leave me. The click of it closing behind you will play like a broken record in my head and rob me of sleep, I know it. The nonchalant way you told me you'd see me around "you guess" was almost my undoing. I let myself believe that this hurt you just as much as it hurt me. I thought maybe there was a chance that you loved me the way I love you, but I must have been wrong. If I was right, even just a little bit, you'd be dying right now too. You would cling to me like I was your anchor and leaving me was suicide. Because when you love, Bobby, really love - like you love your mother, Donnie or even Frank - you fight for them no matter the cost. It kills me to watch you walk away without a fight.

**Goodbye my almost lover**

**Goodbye my hopeless dream**

**I'm trying not to think about you**

**Why can't you just let me be?**

It was naive of me to hope for anything to be different between us now that everything has changed. A small part of me thought that we would share our feelings and talk things out and somehow live happily ever after - that was assuming that you cared for me in that way, which was obviously too much to ask for. I wish I could forget about you. I don't want to be cruel, but the things you unknowingly do to my heart seem that way, so I can't help it. I wish your face in my mind's eye hadn't hindered every single date I had been on in years. I wish I hadn't blabbered on and on about you, but I can't resist. I've always been ridiculously proud of you - ask any of my exes.

**So long my luckless romance**

**My back is turned on you**

**Should've known you'd bring me heartache**

**Almost lovers always do**

I set the phone down and consider the life changing call I've just made. It is without a doubt the right choice. I am not a detective without you - I'm barely half of myself. I know you feel the same way in that regard, that we complete each other, even if that is so very cliche. We have always been a walking cliche, really. "You only hurt the ones you love" couldn't be more true. "Opposites attract" - well, maybe that was just me. And good grief, we've practically lived "between a rock and a hard place" for the past decade. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Unrequited love would be another one for us, but I don't believe it's true anymore. I saw you glance over your shoulder while you gather your things from our desk. The way you stared at my empty chair and then your eyes met mine gave me hope, because I saw that something I hadn't seen there before. The tiny spark of joy inside of me tried to fight its way through the sadness, but it was buried. I think you love me...but you're walking away. I think you're generous to the point of being selfish, because, thinking that you're doing the world a favor, you haven't allowed yourself to fall in love. But you can't have what we did and not call it love. Why is that that we never uttered a word? You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and the fact that you have no idea will always be my biggest regret. We could've made it all the way there someday. So you know what cliche hurts the most, Bobby?

We were _so close_.

**A/N - Since I can't make shippy YT videos, I think I'll start writing some shippy songfics. I never thought I'd do it, but it was actually a lot of fun. I hope you liked it! Review and let me know what song you'd like to see from Bobby's point of view - about Loyalty or any other episode/theme.**


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